Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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