Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
