I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
