If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
