I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
you didnt know i had herpes?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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