Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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