Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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