Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
