i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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