dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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