So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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