Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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