Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
