My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
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