I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
