She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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