just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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