This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
