I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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