the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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