its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
