she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
