Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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