I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
