Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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