Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
