I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
