im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
