I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
