And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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