I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
