just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
