I will die if light touches me.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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