Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
one two three fourrrrnication!
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
