Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
