Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
