God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
It's Friday. Sex?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
