dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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