I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
