I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
