Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
