is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
