i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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