do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
