I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
