Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
