ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
