you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
