You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
pray to the hookup gods
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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