so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
soo... how was my night?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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