All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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