didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
stop calling my apartment porn island.
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I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
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I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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