when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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