Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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