We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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