I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize