It's Friday. Sex?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
