i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
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Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
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Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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