I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
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we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
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We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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