Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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