he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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