we're blogging at a bar
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
She announced her abortion via fbk
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Randomize
