he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
