we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
