he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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