i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
