I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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