Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
its not stalking. its research.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
