Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
