YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
God, I missed his penis.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
