my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
The best revenge is premature balding
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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