Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
