hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
